Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
how drunk are you?
Several
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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