he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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