HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize