Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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