I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
