you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize