Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize