i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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