You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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