Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize