so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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