I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
