The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
