First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
did i walk over a car last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
