but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
