I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
