My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
