don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
