But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
