My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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