so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
did i walk over a car last night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
