just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
