Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
try to milk me bitch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
