I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
