Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
