but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
