You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
