He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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