He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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