He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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