Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
