i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
