Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
