I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
