i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
