Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
