Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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