Will you blow on my dice?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
