Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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