ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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