every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize