she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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