is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
