is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
