Please, let me fuck your mom
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
