As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
