I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
