you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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