I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
