How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
