I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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