you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
