Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
