If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
