We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
