every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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