I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
