bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
