Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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