I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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