shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize