11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
