He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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