I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
