but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
