TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
