Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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