He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She needs sedatives and a leash
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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