He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
