Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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