Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
