ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
