The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
