at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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