I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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