Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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