Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
