The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
